I just found out that in October, this guy I vaguely knew in high school ODed on heroin. I wouldn't've guessed. There's not much I can say -- the facebook group, the memorial myspace, are all about as trite as you could imagine. I didn't know him well enough to be able to say anything now -- it was just a tangential acquaintance, through a few friends of drama-group friends but mostly because of my position on the newspaper; I was able to identify him and connect that with what he did (he was an athlete, ridiculously enough, on heroin), but that was all.

God, do I not miss high school.

I'm thinking about going back, though, for a day. The last time I set foot on campus, or spoke to any teachers or anyone but a few close friends from school, was the graduation ceremony.

Now, four years later, graduating from college, I think it may be time to go back and show them -- okay, I'm thinking of one teacher in particular -- who I am now. Earlier today, I was talking to Ben* about the idea, and he was very gung-ho, but I'm just not sure.

It would probably be a surprise -- I've changed a lot, obviously -- but I don't know if it'd be worthwhile. I don't even know if they'd remember me well enough to carry on more than a five-minute conversation ("So, you wound up going to...? Oh, really, NYU?") I don't know -- for one thing, how do you even get and fill out the request-to-visit forms? Especially if you want to surprise the teacher you're coming to see?

I'm not sure I want to cope with all the stress -- plus, by the time school's winding down for them in June, I'll already have graduated and I'll hopefully be working. How could I make it happen then?

In case you couldn't tell, my brain's throwing out excuses trying to stop me from going. Why? Weird. I'm going to have to think about this.

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* Who paid me an awesome compliment today, by the way. Actually, there were a slew, but the one I'm talking about is that he said even if it didn't work out between us, long-term (and it's not going to), he would still want to keep seeing me to be friends. It's always BS when you say "let's stay friends" during a breakup, but when you're happy together it seems a bit more genuine. Anyway, that's pretty much my ultimate goal: I need a guy who, if I were a guy, would want to hang out with me.